How it all went and what we could have done differently? How we survived the first months without going insane?
If we’re being honest about this – we’ve got to enjoy our calm puppy for the first 5-6 hours at home during the first day. After that, life can be described as 3 months of chaos, constant reflections of our life choices, sometimes rivers of tears and finally – peaceful coexistence. We had a small, restless little devil in our hands, who didn’t know what was sleep, rest or calmness.
While we were constantly running after Bozzi trying to prevent any of his mischievious shenanigans and thinking that we thought too good about ourselves by taking in such a breed – Instagram was bursting from cute puppy pictures. Family and friends only got to experience the little, innocent, furry friend, while in reality we’ve dealt with the complete opposite… We even called Bozzi different names, as it reflected his personality a bit better, like goat (because of the stubbornness) which in Lithuanian perfectly rhymes with Bozzi (ožis – Bozzis). When something got out of hand, you could hear us in a serious tone like hey, mister…
So how bad things actually were? Let’s start with the most obvious – theory and practice are completely different things. One thing is to understand what you need to do, the other is actually doing it and preparing multiple backup options when your methods are failing. Or simply when your little puppy is giving you the middle finger straight to the face while showing of his little piranha teeth – so, what you’re going to do, eh? Trying to prevent unwanted behaviours and using any swear words like “uh-uh, no, hey, stop” whenever he broke the rules – didn’t help, he wasn’t even reacting apart from getting back to his naughty stuff. You could be strict and a bit harsh, you could be calm and peaceful, whichever tone or mood you’ve used in your words, whatever body language you’ve tried to show – sorry, you’re not interesting, please don’t interrupt me. We kept repeating the house rules non-stop, there was dead silence in the house and our voices like echoes on repeat “hey… uh-uh… hey… Hey!… hello, mister!“.
Love and contact – not existent, if he even allowed us to snuggle next to him, seconds later you would feel his little dragon teeth inside your hands inviting to play. Or he would give an innocent look and go straight in the opposite direction from you, catch me if you can. Pawrent no. 2 was having a semi life crisis, as having a dog was already a big change for him, but to get such a naughty, hyper baddie who wasn’t listening even to me – it was terrible… Where were those 5 years of preparation? Probably went full speed and out of this house together with Bozzi’s zoomies… My heart was broken, most of the time I was in tears after each difficult and not well handled situation, I felt shitty and hopeless, always tired and emotionally drained. Where was that puppy that sought human contact when we first met?
I was constantly in contact with the breeders and our trainer regarding everything, even the simplest things, because Bozzi was purely not by the book. If some methods were working perfectly for other dogs, for Bozzi it did nothing and even encouraged him to behave in the opposite way. I had to use harsh corrections, grab him by the collar, pick him up or even raise my voice when emotions were out of control. Otherwise he simply didn’t care nor respect me and the others.
And don’t get me started how awful it was, I wanted to bury myself in the ground most of the time as it was psychologically difficult. There would be times when we were strolling around our neighbourhood, everything seems to be going well, Bozzi sniffing around and walking nicely, and then boom – he’s out of control, jumping, pulling leash and lunging forward, biting me and everything around him. I’m trying to say something, step to the side, lure him over – he doesn’t care. I’m grabbing him by the collar, pulling up so he would calm down and get his emotions together, meanwhile people around are going on with their daily stuff – all they could see was a girl with a dog raised in the air. I was so scared that someone is going to approach me and ask why am I choking my own dog…
We would come back home, I’m already in tears, shaking, bawling my eyes out, while at the same time family and friends kept messaging me and asking “when should we meet up, when will you introduce us to Bozzi, when can we visit you“. I was making excuses that it was too early, we’re still learning and bonding, best we can do is a short hello over the fence or something. The difficult walks still continued even through clenched teeth, we were trying to teach him how to relax at home – putting leash around the house and waiting for him to settle, endlessly switching with pawrent no. 2 whose turn was to watch over Bozzi. We gave various chews, stuffed kong, sniffing and licking mats – it lasted for that moment only, and then the havoc would start again.
But gradually, these harsh measures became less and less necessary, it was even enough to say “hey” and Bozzi would quickly gather himself into place. And finally the breakthrough happened – with house rules, with behaviour, with our daily walks. I’m still not sure whether it was because of our bond slowly building up, or constant work and not giving up, maybe it was because of the increase of the mental load and being worn out, Or maybe it was a bit of everything – we kept trying and trying, and Bozzi finally understood what was expected from him. We didn’t have a single shoe or furniture piece torn apart, or whatever that young puppies like to choose as their first destroyable target when the teeth start to change (or when they’re simply overstimulated, tired or opposite – full of emotions, not properly fulfilled). It seems that as much as we got tired of repeating that the new rug is not eatable, Bozzi got tired of testing our patience and boundaries, he finally caught up with the system and learned all (most of) the rules. Who knows – maybe his tiny brain finally got bigger to accept and store all this new information? Bozzi learned that our curtains are not to play with, that wooden stool he liked to try to chew on – not so tasty compared to natural chews, leash pulling is also not as fun as off-leash zoomies in the forest, and guess what – he can play with toys himself without our help, how cool is that? We had one issue solved, what else?
Crate, settling down and sleep – during the first night at home Bozzi clearly declared “this is not for me“. We also failed here – we were so overjoyed with the newest family member and spend all the time giving him attention, cuddles, playing inside and outside. We completely forgot about the proper introduction to the crate. So what we did – we simply closed him off in it for that first night, hoping that everything will be fine. After all, he was already familiar with the object and its purpose, as he was sleeping with the rest of the litter in the crate before coming to us. If anything, we thought “ah, well, he will whine or cry a bit and get over it”. When I look back at that time – what complete idiots we were, if I could I would’ve put ourselves into the crate for the night…
As you may have guessed already – we didn’t get any sleep for the first night, as amazing woof woof performance was given by Bozzi all night long. He would settle down for a moment, tricking us that he finally went to sleep, and it would start all over again. Since our bedroom was upstairs, on 2nd floor of the house, we didn’t want to come down and make him think it was so easy to get us, like “gotcha, I called you over with my crying, now I will always do that!”. During the second day, we knew we should’ve brought the crate into our bedroom where he could see us until he settles down at the new place or at least let him sleep in his own bed, but we still pushed forward with the stupid idea that he will get over it. We spent a lot of time that day just getting comfortable with the crate – going in and out, staying inside for short periods of time with food, he even took a mandatory nap without big complaints in it and for a moment we thought we have made a breakthrough. So we agreed that “he’ll be fine, let’s leave him downstairs again”. And the start of the night was calm – we slept peacefully until 1AM performance started again… So here we are waiting again, worried, listening to never-ending cries from downstairs, being still, scared of making a sound. The breaks between cries and settlement started to become longer, but safe to say we still didn’t get much sleep, and Bozzi neither.
I called our breeder the next day, explaining how we f*cked it up, but she insisted that we keep working with the crate training even with the damage done – hide food inside when he’s not around, create good experiences during the day with toys, give his meals inside it. We followed every word, and even though we were hopeless already, at the end of the day we turned on our baby camera and started watching a livestream of our musician – we saw him settling down, lying there quietly, blinking his small eyes, and… finally falling asleep without tantrums! And finally so did we, until early morning when once again we were woken up by a small woof. However, this time it was different, a bit more careful, quiet, not as scared as before, and almost as he was politely asking “hello? is someone here? maybe you’re awake? I’d like to go potty…”. I took him outside quickly and gave a few cuddles once we got back, put him in the crate again – and he fell asleep! Again! One thing was learnt for sure – I would never ever would like to make such a mistake as we did, nor do I recommend such an approach for introduction to the crate. It would’ve been so much less stressful to take small steps with the crate, rather than put him away while he’s still not comfortable with the new place and new people. We had to work quite hard later on to teach him “place”, “go to crate” and just being there alone, simply because we ruined his first experience with the crate at our home. Always consult not only with your breeder, but future trainer too – how to make the introduction to crate as calm and neutral (or positive) as possible. We did that afterwards, lesson learned for the rest of our lives.
Anyways, if you think it was only one problem with the crate – get ready for more. We had a separator in our crate to reduce available space for Bozzi as we bought crate a few sizes bigger for the future, however our smarty-pants learned how to get under it (after all, he was curious to find out what’s on the other side). He managed to get stuck there, not once, but a few times. I tried putting boxes, rolled blankets, but those were too light, he would push them with his paws and start his explorations again. So I used dumbbells and some weight plates – that didn’t stop him as he managed to chew off the rubber from them. Naturally, a few hours later the green coloured cakes, just as my dumbbells, started to leave Bozzi’s body 💩 Once he grew more, he learned how to push them too, he was stronger now, so I had to tie them down. After some time, I just gave up and removed the separating part, Bozzi was free to use all the space in the crate, and there were no accidents!
But back to the crate issue, in general Bozzi didn’t enjoy being in it, which was simply the result of our mistake. If he was able to see or hear us while being in the crate – he wouldn’t sleep, sometimes even bark or whine. We couldn’t even exist on the first floor of our house as simply it was putting too much pressure on Bozzi, he wouldn’t settle down. We kept sneaking up quietly towards the second floor, keeping dead silence around the house as we didn’t have doors for the rooms yet, we acted around him as he was a newborn baby… and just when you think we successfully reached our bedroom without waking Bozzi up – pawrent no. 2 would get his sneezing attack! But again, little by little with our trainer’s help – we managed to solve this issue as well, even though it could’ve been avoided in the first place. As you might have guessed already – no matter how much you prepare or how much time you spend training for various scenarios – something is not going to go according to the plan, and there’s nothing wrong with that – that’s life. As long as you have a trainer, breeder or someone else experienced enough to help you with those issues – you can tackle everything down together.
However, peace and quiet still didn’t exist in our home – we did forced naps multiple times per day, we tried tethering Bozzi inside when he couldn’t settle down, he kept pushing boundaries and testing our patience still more often than a little puppy should. The zoomies, leash pulling, behaving like a maniac – it was just another ordinary day with Bozzi.
I started tracking everything down that potentially could hype him up or stimulate him too much. And believe me, at first it was everything – box full of toys, long walks with triggers such as dogs, birds, construction work in the neighbourhood, new people, sounds, even new experiences – it would knock him out for a few days as a head start. Group lessons and basic training that he kept nailing like a pro also hyped him up just as much as toys, because in his little head it was like “omg, I do something and get treats for that? Do you want me to repeat that? Do you? I sure can!”. During training sessions or when we were just socialising around, exploring new places – he would hold himself together, behaving well, soaking everything into himself like a sponge, bravely going everywhere with his nose pushed forward, showing no signs of fear and acting like a perfect puppy. But once we would get home – the chaos would emerge with biting, ignorance, constant running, jumping, testing boundaries (and let’s squeeze that sponge full of “water”).
So what we did – we took away the toy box (imagine sad puppy Bozzi). It was fun to watch his confused expression when he was trying to figure out what to do, slowly going around the house corners, hoping to find his favourite plush duck or a squeaky worm. I kept telling him to “lay down, settle down” – he would stare at me wide opened like how are we not going to do anything, woman? We just woke up, we must do something! We reduced our walks to 2 or even 1 per day, and other times just destroyed our backyard lawn. The neighbours kept looking at us confused “how are they not walking their border collie for 3-5 hours per day… why do they use a leash in their own yard…”. Back then Bozzi was sparking like a firework from just 10-20 minutes of exposure during plain walks in his countryside fields, meadows, same as from 10 minutes in the busy city. He was hyped from the morning dew, tiny stones lying around, a long grass stalk, a fly buzzing around, people chatting in the distance and everything around him. And god forbid the neighbour comes home from work and glances at Bozzi’s side – a blown fuse, that was enough to make him explode.
We started going to the forests regularly, at least once per week – mandatory. Sometimes we managed to squeeze in 2 or 3 times – a hard reset was guaranteed for him for at least a few days. I reduced mental load and additional, unnecessary simulations for him, which apparently I was creating myself. For example, the food – it must have been deserved through training or given in a form of lick / sniff mats, puzzles, it was also used for desensitization, leash training, etc. (hey, remember that cheat sheet from preparation post? Told you I went too hard with it). I started doing less myself, just laying on the sofa and watching TV, sitting on the floor for no reason, taking a nap, I also got back to my hobbies, started to be more stable, calm and present for him. It’s funny that I myself have to always be doing something (because I am myself like a border collie), so it was a learning curve for me too – sometimes just do nothing and ignore Bozzi, let him be.
Slowly he started to settle down, not immediately as the teeth were still changing intensively, but the progress was obvious. I started giving back him his toys, one by one, checking how he reacts and behaves – can he step back from playing when asked or can he do it himself when the time comes. We varied the days “with toys” and “without toys”, with “lots of walks” and “one or two walks only”, with breakfast served plainly in the bowl and in a form of some training. I tried to keep him out of some kind of routine, as he quickly caught up with our rituals and showed frustration when something he had expected didn’t happen. And here I just want to point out that for some puppies the routine is a must, so there would be clear expectations – when it’s ok to play, when it’s time to sleep and settle. But with Bozzi it was different – from the early days he easily cracked our daily patterns and began waiting for our next “activity”. For me, the person who cannot live without a plan or a routine, it was a major life change I had to make, while pawrent no. 2, who plans nothing and just goes with the flow, it was amusing to watch me learning new ways of living together with Bozzi.
Also, routine and clearly defined process did help us with certain things – desensitisation and fears. When Bozzi doesn’t like something, feels uncomfortable or fears for his life – a known routine helps him to go through it, as he’s aware of the process and its steps, he knows that he controls the situation and can back down from it when it’s too difficult or simply too much at the time. We do this for nail trimming, paw care and massages, for putting on winter shoes – since it requires a lot of care and attention, we created a process that works for us and allows Bozzi to feel safe and at ease, even when it’s not pleasant.
With time we learnt (and now 99% of the time know) what exactly happens in the head of this border collie – when he needs to rest, or the opposite – when we need to give him more mental or physical load; what scares him and what puts him on the edge; what he likes, what he avoids. And then it all clicked – all the information, courses, workshops, everything I researched about dogs, their behaviours, training. It got easier. Our contact-seeking, calm puppy who chose himself that it’s time to rest and come for cuddles was back.
Do we struggle with any of the mentioned issues now? Yeah, for sure there are days when the stubborn side of Bozzi gets out, but usually it’s because he’s a sensitive and an emotional dog, who needs our help and support earlier than you would expect. He cannot simply tell us that “hey, it’s too much for me, can we take a break?” or “I want peace and quiet today, not the sounds and distractions of the city”. Another thing – he’s a border collie, he needs freedom and running in environments without triggers, he needs to simply be a dog. When you understand all that and fulfil these basic needs – it’s no longer that hard, life becomes easy, fun and full of trust.
Of course, not for long, the teenage phase is usually just around the corner 🙂